What do you think of it?

A few years ago, I started writing little mini-stories about my dating life - almost a diary of sorts so that I would never forget the bizarre experiences that I once endured. It was absolutely hilarious. It was kind of a combination of a few friends dating experiences, but mainly my disasters. I found the intro I wrote in a computer file I completely forgot existed. After reading it and some of the proceeding entries, it reminded me of how funny some of my experiences were. Something to make Single Girl not feel so alone in her dating mishaps. Here is just the intro. I won't really include the actual mini-stories as this post would go on FOREVER. Each chapter of my unfinished book was dedicated to an "interesting" character I came across in my single years. I only covered two or three guys, and sadly, that's when I stopped writing and forgot all about it.

I never really proofed it with a fine-tooth comb so I know that it can use some cleaning up, but it was just a free-flowing writing session... What do you think?

(the following italicized paragraphs are Copyrighted by Rice Spice ©)

MY INTRO

You should write a book. I think at some point or another, everyone hears that line from a friend or acquaintance who hears you recap an entertaining story from your life. Strangely enough, I hear that statement just about every time I discuss my dating experiences. Could it be because I’m completely hapless when it comes to attracting members of the opposite sex? Could it just be that I give off the pheromone that screams, “Unemployed men, come to me!”? Regardless of the case, I’ve done my share of meeting Mr. Right Now(s), Mr. Absolutely Wrong(s), and just plain psycho paths. So here I am chronicling some of the funnier points of my dating mishaps as well as some borrowed material from other 20- and 30-somethings trying to find love in all the wrong places.

I grew up in a small, suburban town outside of the energy capitol of America. After a virtually non-existent love life throughout high school due to strict Asian parent ideals, I moved on to college and entered the dating world relatively new to what it had to offer –the connection, the chemistry, the sexual liberation, and of course the heartache.

After my first semester of college, I met the man who was to be a pivotal part of my emotional growth. We dated off and on throughout my many years at the university, and eventually got engaged the year I was graduating. Life sadly took its toll on us, and the wedding was called off four months before my sashay down the aisle. Although I look at it now as one of the best things that ever happened to me, I felt my life had ended the day I handed back my diamond ring, packed the clothes I had in my closet, and walked away from a man I thought was suppose to be with me until the day we died…or at least until one of us got hit by a bus or something dramatic like that.

Eventually, this little lady bounced back from that devastating experience and re-entered the dating field as a heartless force to be reckoned with. I look back at the first five months of my break up and laugh at some of the things I did to cope with my misery. However other times, I’m mortified and baffled as to how I never end up groggily awakening in a bathtub of ice missing a kidney, as that was my mother’s biggest fear at the time. You’ve got to love a woman who watches way too much television!

After all of the experiences I had with men, I realized something about myself. I was not a woman looking for a man who could take care of her. I wasn’t a woman looking for a man who could protect her. Those were things I was already doing on my own. I was looking for someone I could share my life with. Not someone I needed, but someone I wanted. Most independent, professional, single women of our day and age relate to such epiphanies, and then there are those who think what I just wrote was obviously something written in jest. I don’t frown upon women who view differently than myself because, honestly, who am I to judge? But, I at least learned more about myself through all my experiences. With age comes wisdom, right? At least that’s the cliché.

Now I will tell you this much. Having that point of view often times makes it damn hard to find someone. You either face his insecurities of feeling that he isn’t needed – a role ingrained in some men at birth as proof of his manhood and his ability to be the head of the household – and not understanding that the desire to “want” them is a much better payoff than needing them to take care of you. Or, you face a problem with yourself. Sometimes you end up being so detached that you make yourself emotionally unavailable. Thus becoming what you hated in the men you dated prior as you become this person who’s dead inside.

The following excerpts of my downward spiral of dating are not given in any specific timeline of significance. Not that I think that putting my experiences down on paper will simplify someone else’s dating woes, but at least I can put a smile on your face.

Trying to Understand the Harry Potter Phenomenon

It's a bit long, but too funny!

10 Places I've Been Kissed (Places not Body Parts)

To continue being unoriginal, I'm "borrowing" this from Babbling Brooke. It's pretty interesting when I started to actually think of cool places I have been while kissing. Here are a few in no particular order:

1. Atop the The Space Needle in Gatlinburg, TN
2. In a hotel elevator in Amsterdam
3. In front of The Clock Tower/Big Ben in London
4. Dancing on top of a box in an awesome dance club in NYC - wish I could remember the name...
5. On Paradise Cove Beach at sunset after ditching the lame luau in Hawaii- I took this picture!
6. A Parisian cafe with a view of the Eiffel Tower outside the window - cheesy, I know!
7. In front of a warm fireplace in a cozy house with windows facing the Andes Mountains in Peru
8. Underwater while snorkeling in Cozumel
9. At the Embarcadero in San Francisco while fireworks went off to ring in the new year
10. In an infinity pool overlooking Acapulco Beach

Where are some cool places you've had kisses?

History of ME

Seeing I'm still boring with nothing to report other than that I'm still tempted to spork my oculars, I've decided to steal a MySpace survey to fill the void. Lame? Check. Dull? Check. But what can you do? Maybe you'll learn something about me you already didn't know...

HISTORY:
01. Raised in: CV, TX
02. Planned baby: Yes, I was
03. Birth date: April 25th
04. Any siblings: 1 sister and 1 brother
05. Younger or older: Middle child. It explains a lot, huh?
06. Hair color: Black (currently with reddish/brown peek-a-boo panel highlights)
07. Hair length: Too long
**Where's "08"?**
09. Eye color: dark brown
10. Shoe size: 5-5.5 depending on the shoe style
11. Mood: bored, but content
12. Smell: Romeo Gigli perfume
13. Height: 5'0" on a good day (i.e., early in the morning after having been laying down all night. ha!)
14. Lefty/righty: righty

LOVE LIFE:
01. Do you remember your first real relationship: of course
02. Do you believe in love: I did, but then I didn't for a long time, but I do again
03. Why did your last relationship fail: he was a dumbass
04. Shortest relationship: does a one-night stand count?
05. Have you ever been heartbroken: yes
**Now where is "06"??**
07. Have you ever fallen for a friend: yes, that's how Baby and I started
08. Have you ever told them: yes, see previous answer
09. Are you afraid of commitment: EXTREMELY
10. You ever had a secret admirer: yes, I knew but pretended I didn't
11. Do you believe in love at first sight: I believe in chemistry-at-first-sight. Sometimes you can build from there.
12. Ever been in love: Very much so with Baby

THIS OR THAT:
01.Love or money: Love doesn't pay off debt, but if it's strong enough it makes being poor less depressing
02. Hard liquor or beer: liquor
03. One night stands or relationships: Teehee...I suppose relationship *I kid, I kid*
04. Television or internet: internet - you can watch tv on the internet now
05. Pepsi or coke: Not big fan of either, but Coke if I HAD to choose
06. Wild night out or romantic night in: Why can't I have a wild, romantic night?
**"07"??? I guess people are just deleting questions they don't want to answer**
08. Phone or in person: Depends on who I'm speaking to. Friends and family, I say in person. Bill collectors...not so much.
09. Aim or myspace im? I only IM at work with other coworkers so we don't have to keep calling each other

HAVE YOU EVER:
01. Have you ever been caught sneaking out?: yes, almost got sent to convent school in the Philippines for that one...eeks!
02. Have you ever skinny dipped?: yes
03. Have you ever done something you regret?: Who hasn't?
04. Have you ever bungee jumped?: yes
05. Have you ever been on a house boat? yes
06. Have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker? yes...why in the world is this question relevant?!?!
**Again with the missing "07"??**
08. Have you ever been streaking?: yes
09. Have you ever ran away? no
10. Have you ever caught your parents doing it? Never actually walked in on it...THANK GAWD! I would've vomitted all over myself!

Blah, blah, blah, words, words, words

Today, I am bored out of my mind. I am actually caught up with everything at the office from when I took last week off and don't have much to do today. At the beginning of next month, a few new guys will be starting in the office and my world will be hectic and disheveled all over again. The calm before the storm, so to speak. So until then, I think I will be fighting the urge to spork my eyeballs out simply out of sheer boredom. I've been giving myself senseless, busy work of reorganizing...but I fear I'm running out of that, too. One can only restructure files and play on the internet for so long, right?

Outside of chomping at the bit awaiting the unveiling of the new Harry Potter novel (Diana Banana and I are the President and VP of the Dumbledork Army), I have nothing else major to report. I may have to go back to London for the week next week, but that's not confirmed...and of course, if it's for work, then there won't be much to report on my blog while I'm there. I'm officially boring.

Best Birth Control...EVER!

So I completed a week of dealing with a little girl going through her defiant terrible two's and a newborn that wanted nothing more than to spit up on me and even shower me in urine one afternoon...ugh! Although I was only there to help in about 6-7 hour blocks at a time, I seriously questioned who would torture themselves by having multiple children. Then...they do something so precious that they almost make you realize how wonderful it would be to have them. *NOTE: I said "almost"*

I'll spare you all the Super Nanny details, and move on to the rest of my weekend.

Friday night was quiet. Baby and I grabbed dinner at a Thai restaurant, had a margarita on the patio at Molina's, then went home for some quiet quality time together.

Saturday afternoon, we met the gang at BW3 in Midtown for lunch. Noodle's close friend from high school came into town for the week/weekend to take a part of his medical board exams. We'll call him JR. It was nice seeing him. We hadn't seen him in over a year, and to be honest, I really didn't get to visit with him much that time around. JR and I got to talk a little more this time seeing it has been about 3 years since I had really spoken to him. He and his girlfriend are enjoying living in NYC while he is attending med school but are ready to get back to Texas. Baby and I ducked out while they stuck around for a couple of Sudden Death rounds of Golden Tee so that we could run some errands though - pick up my drycleaning, buy air filters for Baby's house, and other boring things.

Later that late afternoon/evening, we all went over to Grove's parents' house in Memorial to grill and play by the pool since they were out of town - so high school of us to throw a party when the parents' are away...HAHAHA! Grove's parents have such a phenomenal million-dollar home, that we always try to sneak in a little fun time there when his parents travel. Thank goodness they are retired and travel quite a bit *wink, wink*. Baby and I made Peach Sangria with white wine, peach nectar, triple sec, and a little sugar. We added fresh peach slices, orange slices, and blackberries as well so you could eat fresh spiked fruit with your drink. How summery, eh? It was a big hit with all those who were there. We also made an awesome recipe for grilled tuna steak that we found on the food network. It was oh-so yummy.

Other than that, we kept it pretty low-key. Baby and I went to see the new Harry Potter movie yesterday. It was AWESOME! Baby loved it, too...even though he refuses to read the books, it's nice that he still enjoys the movies with me. Afterwards, we hit the gym for a little over an hour (can you believe I went to the gym 4 times last week???), had a quiet dinner at home, watched a couple of episodes of TiVo-ed Man vs. Wild, and turned in early.

***Btw, I LOVE Man vs. Wild! I got Baby hooked on watching it. If you've never seen this show on the Discovery Channel, you need to watch it. This guy is insane!!! He gets dropped in various wilderness locations (e.g. the French Alps, Florida Everglades, Rocky Mountains, Iceland, Moab Desert, Austrailian Outback, etc.) and shows you how to survive and find civilization/rescue. It's so intense! I think YouTube has a few episodes on it. I'm so in love with this true life Survivor/MacGuyver it's not even funny!!!***

New Job Title for a Week: Super Nanny

As you all know, Sis just had her second bambino two days ago...and, no, we're not Italian. I just like the word bambino. My mother is usually there to help with her c-section recovery, but has to be in the Philippines for the next couple of weeks to take care of some final details of the house she and my dad are building over there. Since my brother-in-law will be on-call for possible job interviews Sis needs someone there to help with the kids - a newborn and an almost 3 year old. Being the wonderful siblings that we are, I have taken Week 1 while Bro has taken Week 2 of my mom being out of the country. At first, I was extremely disappointed that I would be giving up an entire week of vacation puling babysitting rather than sitting on a beach somewhere sipping a tropical drink with a little paper umbrella, but family comes first.

Baby is gone all week to Kingston, Jamaica as of today through Thursday. Too bad he's not going Montego Bay or any of the other resort towns. Kingston is rampant with crime including the highest murder count by ratio of population. Scary, huh? Baby will have to have an armed guard escort him everywhere. Poor Baby is a walking target for some crazy Jamaican trying to make a buck thinking they'd get a hefty ransom for his butt. Yikes!

Anyway, seeing as I was off work and he'd prefer not parking his car at the airport all week, I took him to the airport by 5am this morning. Eeks! Do you realize we had to be up at 4:15am??? Oh well. It actually was THAT bad, and I got to see Baby before he left so I'm not complaining too much. Luckily, Sis has decided to stay an extra day at her in-laws, so she didn't need me today.

After taking a much needed nap after getting back to my place, I went to the gym, got my oil changed, returned some clothes at a store across town that I otherwise never have time to get to (thus taking over two months to finally return the stuff), went grocery shopping, and cleaned. I know it sounds boring, but being that productive in just one day for me is AMAZING! I'm usually running from one job to another and can barely squeeze one minor errand in between.

Well, tomorrow is set to start my Super Nanny duties. I'll keep you posted if this proves to be an additional birth control method by convincing me I should never spawn. Tah tah for now!

Dream Interpretation

Earlier today, Diana Banana discussed her strange dreams last night. I commented about how I, too, have recently suffered some bizarro nocturnal imageries. My dream is actually pretty funny in hindsight, but I was mortified throughout the dream.

It started off that I was somewhere out in public - a restaurant or a bar of sorts - with a group of friends and strangers, I think. At some point, I drank or ate something I was allergic to and my gums started swelling. Not my face, not my glands, not my lips...just my gums. Yes, freakish, I know. I started looking like a chipmunk unable to fully close my mouth because of how large my gums have gotten. I was trying hard not to let anyone notice that I was starting to look like one of those cartoonish Gomer Pyle hillbillies breathing through my mouth and drooling everywhere about to say, "Kyuh, kyuh...well goooooollly!" Of course, I knew my cover was about to be blown. I felt like that person who was naked in front of a bunch of stangers - all freaked out and people staring at me. It was that same horrific feeling. Then, I woke up.

Per Single Girl's suggestion, I went to the website Freaky Dreams for a dream interpretation. Here is what they had to say:

Words like restaurant: Choices. Nourishment. Changes in favor of your well being.
Words like or: Restricted vision. Cloud. Screen .Looking to hide certain feelings.
Words like bar: Relaxation. Indulgence. Irresponsibility. Pleasure. Guilty of foolish actions.
Words like friends: Joy and consolation. Aspect of self ready for integration.
Words like strangers: Outsider. Unknown. Mystery needs to be revealed.
Words like swelling: Internal pressure. You become filled with an emotion.
Words like face: Repair of self image. Vanity. Renewal. Part of identity ready for a make-over.
Words like mouth: Nourishment. New attitudes. You will soon have news from interests you are anxious over.
Words like naked: Public display. Exposed. Vulnerable. Loss of ambitions.
Words like up: Feminine projection. Improved image. How do you want to be seeing in the outside world.

Interesting...

Outside of the dream there isn't much else going on other than more damn rain. I'm really not looking forward to swimming to my apartment after work. I hope you all have a great weekend even though we're expected to have yet another torrential one!

Single Girl, This is For YOU!

NOW THAT'S A 'STACHE!

I'm Back, I'm Alive...Sorry for being M.I.A.

Hello my dear faithful readers! I'm sorry that I've been missing in action lately. It's been kind of a 3-fold reason why I had taken a hiatus.

The first being that Baby and I had a huge blowout about two weekends ago. Something Diana Banana and Single Girl were aware of. (Sidebar: Major apologies to Diana Banana for having to witness it as well as having to be stuck in the middle of it. Grove was so out of it that he barely even remembers a tussle even happening. Classic.). It was probably the second worse fight we had ever had - yelling and screaming all in confused drunkeness. After it was all said and done, both parties had done things they could've done better or not at all... and most of all, things were blown way out of proportion on a situation no one can even fully verify. I know I'm writing so vaguely, but those involved know what I mean. In the end, major apologies were given, and the typical male that he is...Baby acted like nothing happened a couple of days later. Why I ask you are guys so ridiculous?!?! Diana Banana and I already discussed their need to hurt someone when they are hurt... if only there were a pill to fix that. Regardless, that situation is over, and we've pretty much dealt and gotten over it. Sorry if I haven't returned phone calls...it's partly shame on my part that anyone even knew we got that ugly in our fight. I needed time to feel like I could show my face again. So here I am... I'm back!

As for the second reason I've been so out-of-pocket is because of this new guy in my life...
Lars Willem Alexander Lantaco Richel was born last Monday, June 25th, at 1:08 p.m. With a name like that, he better be famous! Ha! My nephew was 7.5 lbs and 19". Absolutely adorable. I've found time to see him three times since he was born, which if you knew my schedule, tells you that it was almost miraculous that I could find time to see him more than once. I love the smell of newborn baby head. It's like new car smell. I just love it!

The third reason is that I've been super swamped at work - primarily Job #1. As of late Wednesday or early morning Thursday of last week, Job #1 shut our server down for upgrades. Unfortunately, myself and three other people in the company never got back online when they came back up. I've been unreachable by my work email until about yesterday when they figured out the problem, and I was slammed with about 200 backdated emails. Nice. Working without a work email address in a company that sends a lot of work electronically makes it pretty difficult. So I was jumping back and forth calling people to tell them to use my Gmail account until further notice. Now I'm still back-peddling to tell people they can now use my work email again. Yes, a major cluster fuck! It's all calming down now, so I can stop ripping my hair out for now.

So there you have it. My explanation for pulling a Hoodini act on all of you. Now I need to catch up on all of your blogs so I know what's going on in your worlds.

I hope everyone has a Happy Fourth of July tomorrow! I know I will. Can you believe I managed to get off work from BOTH jobs?!?!?