Are you sure I can't take a nap on the company clock?

I'm super sleepy right now. I think it has something to do with going on Day 3 of getting up at 5:15am to go to the gym. I'm guessing it wouldn't be so bad if I could just find a way to fall asleep before midnight. To top it all off, I just had a big lunch - just a salad with chicken schwarma on it from Droubi Brothers, but it was big! Now I feel like I'm going into a food coma. So in order to distract myself from staring at the back of my eyelids and sawing logs while sitting upright, I decided to blog. Maybe this will excite me...

Boyfriend and I have plans to meet a group of our friends for sushi tonight for Blondie's birthday. She's turning the Big 30. I remember when people talked about how this is such a milestone birthday. I don't see it. I didn't feel any anxiety about getting older or being disappointed I wasn't where I thought I should be by the time I reached 30. Maybe it's because I'm not depressed about not already being married, not have 2.5 children, and not having the house with the white picket fence nor is it a new thing for me to feel uneasiness about my professional and financial wellbeing.

I feel I've found the one I love and the one who I plan to spend the rest of my life with. And dare I say it, the person I would want to have a mini-Rice Spice or two with - when the biological clock actually starts to tick. However, neither one of us is in a rush to the alter to validate our feelings. With that said, we're just coasting along on the Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn highway until we truly feel like we have to take the on-ramp to legal commitment. I'm sure it will happen eventually. I think that is why I wasn't just slapped in the face on my 30th birthday last year with anxieties as to why I'm not already married and starting a family. I suppose I've addressed those issues long before that milestone birthday, so that part of entering my third decade of life wasn't shocking.

As for the concerns of professional and financial stability, meh... I guess I wonder about "where I am" and "where my life is going" on such a regular basis that entering a new decade of my life didn't trigger anything new. I accept that there were opportunities that I didn't take that I regret, goals that I will never achieve, and mistakes I have made. I think I've dealt with or currently still dealing with those demons. But I'm also optimistic. I believe that those mistakes and regrets have helped shape me to the person I am today. And those poor choices will help me to not repeat them again...I hope.

Regardless...even at 30, I still feel like I have a lot of growing up to do, a lot of things to learn, and a lot of new goals to set - whether I achieve them or not. What can I say? I guess I'll always be that little girl trying to find her way and figuring out how to get by...